Learning to be assertive


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Articles > Self Development > Learning to be assertive

Learning to be assertive

Standing up for your rights and not being taken advantage of is one definition of being assertive.
12th August ,2007

Do you have trouble saying no, even when you really should? Do you feel like people walk all over you? Do you have trouble keeping your temper under control? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you might find it really helpful to learn about assertive communication.

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How Assertive Are You?

Ask yourself the following questions.

1. Do you ask for help if you need it?
2. Do you express anger and annoyance appropriately?
3. Do you ask questions when you're confused?
4. Do you volunteer your opinions when you think or feel differently from others?
5. Do you speak up in class fairly frequently?
6. Are you able to say "no" when you don't want to do something?
7. Do you speak with a generally confident manner, communicating caring and strength?
8. Do you look at people when you're talking to them?

How to be effectively assertive:
1. Use assertive body language.
Face the other person, stand or sit straight, don't use dismissive gestures, be sure you have a pleasant, but serious facial expression, keep your voice calm and soft, not whiney or abrasive.

2. Use "I" statements.
Keep the focus on the problem you're having, not on accusing or blaming the other person. Example: "I'd like to be able to tell my stories without interruption." instead of "You're always interrupting my stories!"

3. Use facts, not judgments.
Example: "Your punctuation needs work and your formatting is inconsistent" instead of "This is sloppy work." or "Did you know that shirt has some spots?" instead of "You're not going out looking like THAT, are you?"

4. Express ownership of your thoughts, feeling, and opinions.
Example: "I get angry when he breaks his promises." instead of "He makes me angry." or "I believe the best policy is to…" instead of "The only sensible thing is to …"

5. Make clear, direct, requests.
Don't invite the person to say no. Example: "Will you please ... ?" instead of "Would you mind … ?" or "Why don't you … ?"

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USER COMMENTS

gajamuk says
gr8 article

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Learning to be assertive